Airock

Worth & Value

           This will be my last and final post on this blog, I have no intentions to update this blog with any more posts, in commemoration of this, I leave you with one post. Thank you all, and farewell.

           I want to challenge you to think, and I don’t want you to take this lightly. Take into consideration everything you’ve done up until this point in your life. From the earliest memory you can recall to the years of your childhood all the way through to the recent experiences, I want you to think about how much it amounts to. If you were to measure it by your words, your actions, what you could have done versus what you actually did, and the result of opportunities taken and opportunities missed, what do you think it would look like? How much value do you think it has, and if you compare it to those around you do you think that it would look differently? I want you to take into consideration the value you have as a person, and how that has changed over the years. Because I believe that we as human beings don’t realize how much of our actions actually matter. We don’t realize the value of our time, and the impact we make on other people.

       Impact is just a single word, and yet the idea runs deeper than most——more so than we realize. Have you ever met someone who completely changed you as a person? Have you ever met someone who made you who you are today? Do you know anyone who you cannot imagine life without? Have you ever been any of those people for someone else? Most of us, myself included, aren’t sure of the answer. Although we are sure of ourselves and the individuals that have changed us for better or for worse, we take for granted what we are for other people. I guarantee you that someone out there values your existence more than you think, and probably more than yourself. Whether they tell you on a daily basis or has never told you at all, whether you know this person who appreciates you or not, we take our person and all that we are for granted, mainly because we can’t feel what we mean to others. We overlook the idea that we could mean everything to someone else. Our life has value; it truly does.
       And yet, so many of us wish to change ourselves, and our lives, but do nothing more than that. We are constantly hoping that something will come along that will force us to change, whether we’re aware of the change or not. We don’t do anything ourselves because we’re unmotivated, confused, and lost. We experience everyday life so much that our vision narrows and we can’t see anything beyond that. We don’t know what it means to take risks to explore opportunity, to think beyond education and jobs, and to really consider the idea of future. Do you know what future means? I guarantee you it’s far more vast than simply earning money, paying bills, and working until we die. There is so much more to life than that, and yet here we are, stuck in the middle of something that’s already been created——a caged mind with bars made from expectations of what we define as success.
       I can’t speak for you because I don’t know what lies beyond your walls, but I want to redefine what I consider as “living”. Because I don’t want to wake up another day wondering what my purpose is, if what I’m doing is truly worth it, and knowing that tomorrow isn’t going to be much different. I cannot stand to live that way anymore, and it isn’t just about making a few small changes here and there. It’s about redesigning your entire mentality, considering the impact you make on a daily basis. Have you ever truly considered what you mean to your parents? What it must feel like to unconditionally love your son or daughter because they are your blood and legacy? Have you truly considered what you must mean to your significant other, and why you are together in the first place? That you were willing enough to trust and love them because they’d do the same for you? We need to expand our horizons and free ourselves from this prison that we ourselves have helped build. People aren’t meant to limit their imagination, so why have we done exactly that? Why do we care so much about ourselves, and focus only on what we feel in the present? Do we not have a past and future as well?
       Although society has told us that we are free to do what we please, I don’t think it’s that way at all. I believe that our reality is restricted, and that we were born and taught to dream of flying, and not how to fly. I’m not saying anyone was wrong for doing so, for they did not know much more than what they were taught, but I don’t think we should allow ourselves to be barricaded in any longer. Dreams are made to be lived out, hopes are made to be reached, and ambitions are made to take action. I want you to go back to the idea of value, and the worth our actions amount to. Do you honestly believe that you’ve done enough in this life? Can you say with confidence that what you’ve done is more than what you can potentially do? I speak for myself when I say this, but I know that I haven’t live enough. In fact, I believe that the actions I’ve taken were almost worthless, lest a few experiences I’ve had making positive impacts in the lives of others. From this perspective, life truly does look different. It isn’t just black and white——it’s full of vibrant colors that over the years has been fading to black. Repaint the canvas of your life.
       I want you to believe, in the final moments of your life, that you have truly, genuinely lived. I want you to feel, when you look back at your life, that it really was worth something after all. Everyone holds a significant value. Don’t ever forget that you do, too.

       I don’t know where I stand with anyone anymore. I don’t know what I’m worth to them, what they’re worth to me, what worth there is in life, or how to even begin finding hope in a lost place. It’s this feeling again——the feeling that makes me want to run as far as I can without looking back. Looking back is one of the single most painful things that one can do, well in my opinion of course. Even the smallest of glances back is enough to make me feel sick to my gut. It’s because I know that ,whatever decisions I’ve made in the past have been made and nothing can be done about them.

“You can’t do anything once it has been done,” right?

       I speak for myself here, perhaps you (whoever is reading this) and/or every other living person on this planet believes otherwise, but I can’t bear the pain of looking back. I don’t find comfort at all in doing so. My past ; no matter how I look at it, it’s regretful and pathetic. I have never looked back on the past and praised myself for any of it. I admit there have been some ups here and there, but there has never been anything significant enough to change my mindset.  

       Hopelessness is etched onto my soul, so now everything I do feels pointless. It feels foolish to dream and look ahead when I can’t function correctly in the present. I’m not sure what I want and who I am anymore. I’ve broken so many of my own morals that it feels wrong to even breathe, I find it difficult to believe in myself anymore. I guess I should be more realistic with myself instead of setting myself up with this false hope that I’ve become so accustomed to. 

I’m still a child growing up and learning from his mistakes.

Anonymous asked: Elegant blog you have there.

Elegant anon you are

-Yoda

Blind;

 It seems that the more I begin to see, the more I lose my eyesight in exchange. What was once clear to me has now become nothing more than fog; a fog that clouds my vision and creates uncertainty. I thought what I perceived was reality, but it was quite the opposite. I thought that I understood how the world worked. I thought I knew what people were like, and what they were capable of. These eyes of mine can no longer unsee what truths that have been witnessed. But as a result, I’m beginning to understand the price for this perspective of mine. I’m becoming more and more exclusive towards people because of it. I’m afraid to associate myself with people who are liars, just as much or maybe even more than I am.
       With these eyes of mine, I’ve been noticing a few things. I’ve noticed how people measure one’s worth, whether they’re aware of it or not. If you’re worth their time, they’ll go out of their way to talk to you. But what happens if you’re not? What happens when you become just a replaceable, generic friend to them? What happens when you lose your value? They begin to forget you, and some even label you off as something that you’re not. Why is this? Why is it that I, who was so important to you at one point, was forgotten so easily? Sometimes I want to scream out to them, “Remember me? Remember who I was to you?” But alas, none of that is meaningful. None of that has worth, because you have lost worth to them. Hardly does someone go out of their way simply to remember. People simply forget.
       You all left me behind.

Anonymous asked: I would be so happy to have a friend like you.

Be happy;

Will you smile for me? When I see that you’re hurting, feel disappointed, alone, or whatever emotion you seem to be displaying it worries me so, so much. You’re one of the people I care about the most——a friend who’d I go through nearly anything to see you smile again. Even though I may be useless at a time like this, my words are all I have. They really are all I have. But I want you to have them. I want you to let your day shine. I want you to feel loved and content. If only I had the power to take away all your pains, I would. In a split second, I’d trade anything if it meant for you not to be so sad. Because you deserve to be happy. You deserve to smile that radiant smile that brings life into the world.
       Please smile. 

I miss having someone to talk to all night long. Being able to call someone up while the night is young just to talk. Just to have company as darkness hits, as loneliness settles in. No sweaty palms, no awkward silences. Just talking about our past, just talking about life in general. Comfortably. Getting to know each other more. Teasing each other about little things. Snuggled up in bed in the dark. Being lulled into that false sense of security that this person is different, that this person will always be there for you. Bickering about who can stay up longer, demanding the other party to hang up first without really meaning it. Hearing their voice progress into a soft murmur as fatigue starts to hit. Being able to forget about the troubles that are waiting for you when the sun rises…

I feel that it’s in my best interest not to message you anymore, the fact that you don’t even bother to reply or show any sense of effort to keep a conversation going drives me insane. One day, we’ll have a lively conversation that continues into the middle of the night, and then the next day you’ll completely forget who I am.  From the looks of it, you don’t seem to give two shits about me. And I’m fine with that, just be consistent, if you would rather not talk to me, then don’t; for gods sake, I just want to get off this roller coaster already. 

Anonymous asked: Your blog is amazing, I agree with every post you have.

I’m absolutely tired of this;

I’m doing everything because I’m told to do it, I’m so held back by everything around me. It’s all action, reaction; I’m do certain things because I’m obligated to do so, do this, do that, I’m trapped in. I’m slowly losing the simple things that make me, me. It might be due to the fact that those that were once close to me are no longer significant enough to be considered friends, I’m not entirely sure the reason behind it ,myself. Nothing is enough for me anymore, nothing is special, everything is becoming a routine and it’s slowly dying out.